and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i already hear my dad disowning me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
