You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
