Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
50% drunk capacity currently
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
