The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
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A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
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I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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