I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
