If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
