Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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