Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
