the new term for farting is butt boxing.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
