The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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