First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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