You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
