they need to just BURY HIM!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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