I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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