I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
