sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
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She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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