you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
