On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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