would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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