Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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