I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
