Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
