stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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