I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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