I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
