Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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