dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
