How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
