Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
