He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
