Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
