Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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