Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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