Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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