worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
