you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
