it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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