that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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