Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
