he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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