She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
