this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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you thought your balls were fighting each other...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
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If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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