i just had sex bonerless
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
