I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
