Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
