I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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