Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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