I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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