mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
