yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
