Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
