she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
