It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
