if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
