He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
