my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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