so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this will be a night to untag.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
