i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
