So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
