I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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