Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
