I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
