tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
