ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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