ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
