I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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