We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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