I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
