I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
