you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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