She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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