Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
